Last night , for the first time in almost 4 months, I played 5-a-side football with 9 of my peers. Yes, they too are overweight, unfit, fortyish, should not be allowed to wear lycra and should certainly know better. Our normal huffing and puffing took on a new aesthetic as we were playing at 9.00pm in the dark and it was
During the "match", which starts off brightly and in good spirits, before tiredness and reality inject a more vindictive air, the startling shout of "Watch your house !" can be heard from time to time. If you are in possession of the ball, the shout is being directed at you by one of your team mates. The shout is signalling to you that your possesion of the ball is under threat from an opposing player. Last night when I heard my four team mates scream "Watch your house !"as I dribbled the ball toward the oppositions goal two things occurred to me at once :
1. "Sweet Divine Lord, protect me from whichever overweight forty year old is now hurtling towards me with the very worst of foul intentions towards my physical well being, ( most likely geo-targeting the lower part of my leg )."
2. "What a thoroughly useless warning this is. For a start it has served only to put the fear of God up me. It is not saying "Paddy is going to cut you down from behind, coming from an angle of 53° South West". At this immediate point in my life all I know is that I am about to be hacked down by a man in his forties , wearing lycra, from somwhere outside my field of vision.It could be coming from anywhere by anyone.
If I knew it was Mark , I'd know that he was simply going to barge into the back of me, but if I feigned left I could avoid him. If I knew it was Damo that was galloping after me I could resign myself to ending up squashed against the fence . But not knowing who was coming , all I could do was carry on, although now with fear, rather than fire , in my belly.
As it turned out it was Paddy after all and I ended up getting clipped from behind, ending up on my backside listening to my side claiming "FREE KICK !" and the opposition shouting in Paddy's defence "He played the ball !"
But it seems to be a universally accepted warning in football, certainly in the Monaghan area and even though I had been on the receiving end of it's uselessness as a warning I soon fell into the habit of roaring it at my own team mate whenever I could see that he was being stalked by the lumbering lycra clad hulk of an opposing player.
And then it occurred to me .
If I simply wore a pair of these Haix Protector Pro boots I'd be fine. Even if one of the Scotstown contingent decide to take a chainsaw next week I will still be safe...well as long as they use the chainsaw on the boots.
So to the first of our quizzes of the New Year , answers either by email or on the blog page please. Today's prize is a little good luck and a pair of Haix boots of your choice :
1. What is the most useless expression that you know ?
2. What is the most reassuringly expensive boot in the Haix range ?
Cheers,
Paul
P.S. This week we are listening to Friendly Fires "Hawaiin Air"
